Hear Me Now
by raynperdition
Summary: A series of letters written by Tony, as he's thinking of committing suicide. Part of the Supernova Series. Warning: Suicidal thoughts and themes. Proceed with caution.
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Dad,_

_ Well, you're dead. _

_ I guess, I was surprised. Not that you died, because we both knew that was on the horizon, I think. Just that I was...sad. I mean, me and you never had much of a relationship. We were two different people with too many grudges. And I'm sorry. I regret all the things I did to you in the end. I regret ruining your company and hating you like I did. Maybe, where ever you are- if you're anywhere at all- maybe you have some regrets too._

_But, whatever the case, I needed to say I was sorry. Get it out of my system. Funny, it was Loki's idea, a long time ago. He's gone now. Left. There's been a lot of abandonment going on in the Stark family lines. You abandoned me a long time ago, and I abandoned him. You'll be happy to know that the only banging that goes on with me anymore, is with blonde, tan girls who have huge racks. Yeah. Playboy extraordinaire, once again. Had to take back that crown. Couldn't let my record get topped. That's not the Stark way, right, dad?_

_Anyways. I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Why I'm saying all these things. I'm drunk. Ha, another Stark trait. Alcohol runs in the bloodlines. Well, after tonight, it'll be 'ran'. Nope, no heir to the throne this time. God only knows who'll take over the company. I'm sure Pep will take care of it. Yeah, she's my secretary too. Only, I'm not fucking her. God, it'd be like fucking my sister. If I had one. _

_I also wanted to tell you, that, once upon a time, I loved you, dad. I really did. You were my hero. When mom was alive, I wanted to be just like you. _

_Then she died. _

_And we both became different men. Worse men. You drowned yourself in alcohol. I started taking too many pills. Our grief took us somewhere pretty terrible, didn't it? You know, before he died, Obie told me what you two had done. That it was you both who ordered my kidnapping. _

_I can't forgive you for that._

_But I can forgive you for being a bad dad. I think, in your own way, you did try to do what you could for me. Even if you didn't love me. At least you put a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and gave me an education. You got me where I am today, though. In both good ways and bad. I may not be the man I always hoped to be, but I've done some good. Not as much good as bad, but hey, we can't all be saints, right?_

_So. Wherever you are, cheers. Cheers to shitty lives and shittier deaths. _

_Cheers to going to hell for the things we've done._

_I'll see you there soon, alright, old man?_

_Love, your son,_

_ Tony._

* * *

A/N:** So, this is...I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure what it'll become. I may add a few other letters. Hmm. -ponders-**


	2. Chapter 2- Amelia

A/N:** The chapter title is Amelia by Tonight Alive (this song is as perfect as my best friend and love, who told me about it.). **

**Okay. So. Mmm. I don't know what this is turning into. It is part of the Supernova Series. I don't know exactly how it fits in...**

**I am one of those people who writes with their head in the clouds. Shit. Oh well, love me anyways?**

**Enjoy (with a box of tissues and a lot of tears, or that's how it worked for me).**

* * *

_Dear Loki,_

_It's been ten years. Ten years of seeing you in every green-eyed, dark-haired stranger on the street, ten years of dreaming of you every night, ten years of wanting you in my arms again. Ten long years of living with a broken heart. _

_And...I can't do it anymore._

_God. Loki. Why did I do it? Why? Why did I let you go!? You were, everything. And...I can't even describe how much I loved you. I've never loved anyone like you. I've never wanted anyone like you. I'm one of the richest men in the world, and I want merely one thing. One, priceless emerald. One unattainable treasure that someone, somewhere in this wide, wide world has. _

_You._

_You see, I've been dying for a long time now. A decade. I've been slowly coming to the realization, that each day spent without you, is a day not worth living. I get up and think of the fact that, no, you won't be here. You're off somewhere, living your life, probably having forgotten all about me. And that kills me. Don't get me wrong, I am so fucking glad that you're happy- assuming you are, although gods know you have a penchant for misery that's stunning and tragic- but I want you to miss me. Selfishly, perhaps. Is it wrong, Lo? Is it wrong to want you to miss me as much as I miss you? So much that it hurts every time you breathe, that every heart beat feels like a feat, that just functioning is too much to bear?_

_This is my only chance to stop the pain. It's the only way I can get over you. And if there's a heaven, you'll be there. If there's a hell...well, I sure deserve it. And if there's a god, maybe he'll give us our very own star. A comet to ride across the skies. Maybe, one day, we'll surf across the galaxies on an asteroid- bright and burning, and maybe, happy. Maybe we can be happy?_

_I am so sorry, Loki. My love. My darling. My angel. My princess._

_I know I broke your heart, but I did it for you. I did it so you wouldn't have to see my die. In the end, you saved me. You, who thought I had a heart. You, who believed in me. You, the beautiful bastard who stole my heart. You've always had it; it's always been yours. So, keep it safe, even in my death. Hold it close, darling. I'm leaving it behind for you to remember me by. _

_I love you, to the moon and back. _

_I love you across the stars and planets and galaxies._

_I love you around the universe twice._

_Love,_

_Anthony._

* * *

A/N:** The author is crying.**

**~xoxox, Rayn.**


	3. Chapter 3- Haunted

A/N: **Song title is Haunted by Taylor Swift. **

**Beware of Angst, suicidal themes, and general sadness. **

**The usual, essentially.**

* * *

Ms. Pepper Potts,

Hey, look, don't be mad, okay? And don't feel like this is your fault…because everyone knows you went above and beyond. I just…hell, you know my reasons. You've heard my drunken rants all these years. And, to be honest, you're the one person I had in the end. So, thank you, Pep.  
I know it's not enough, and you'll probably be pissed, but, I'm leaving Stark Industries to you. Not as a payment for your many years of service to me and my old man, but, to say thank you. Thank you, for being the friend I really never knew I had- until now. Thank you for giving yourself those birthday presents I forgot. Thank you for helping me defeat Obie. Thank you, Pepper, for saving my life so many times.

I've been planning this for awhile. But, I still don't know what to say. I guess, be nice to Loki if he comes to my funeral- and if not, well, be nice to him anyways. No nasty letters, Ms. Potts. And, I'm sorry, for putting you through heartbreak. I guess, in a way, it all worked out, right? At least, I'd like to go to the grave knowing that all of that is behind us. I never will know for sure, but I have no doubt you have it in your heart to forgive me for all the grief I gave you.

Remember that night I got really drunk and told you that I loved you more than any woman alive? Yeah, that was the truth- even though you're rolling your eyes and telling yourself I'm such a liar, and chiding me mentally- it's true. It's one of the truest things I've ever said. And I'm not one for honesty, but, last words and all.

Don't forget me, Pep. I need someone to remember me fondly. I need someone to know I'm not that cold, perverted bastard with an ego the size of the Empire State building. And you do. I know you do, Pep. I know you saw it when you found me getting out of the suit. I know you believe in me, to some degree.

So, again, for the thousandth time that still won't be enough, thank you. In another world, we could've made it happen, babe. But, this time around, it just didn't happen. But, you are the love of my life. And you always will be. Shut up about Loki, that's a whole other story that happened so long ago. It's not the same story. Not even the same lifetime. And he's a dude. I assure you.

Hey, I gotta say something witty, right?

I love you, dear.

(P.S. Keep Nick Fury's grimy little fingers off my shit. Especially JARVIS, he'll come alive and flay that man alive.)

* * *

A/N: **Despite my furious dislike of Pepperony...well, this happened. Grr. I swear one day I'll write a happy story with unicorns and rainbows and butterflies in tummies. **

**LOVE YOU ALL, and please review, lovelies.**

**~xoxox, Rayn.**


End file.
